Of Empty Beer Bottles and Memories
by FallenWingsAreBetterThanNone
Summary: Prussia misses his times with West, and all he could do is stay in his basement with beer to lose himself in. ( super Angsty like woah I'll tell you that)
1. Prologue

**Hello everyone... So I'm starting a new fanfic, but don't worry, my other one is NOT abandoned! I will continue it, but it's on a short hiatus because of me writing a fanfic with a friend. Also, you should totally check in out! It's a Soul Eater thingy, called two stubborn souls! Wow, I'm shameless!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the characters in any way, and I do not earn money from my writing. Because let's be honest here, if I owned hetalia there would be less subtext and more of the do.**

**I also do not own the song used in this story.**

**Warnings for this chapter: Nothing too bad however, trigger warnings such as death and hinted incest, as well as alcohol are mentioned**.

Prologue:

Whenever Gilbert held the bottle in his hands, the setting changed around him in a flash of pretty, and sometimes dark, colours.

_How can I repay you, brother mine?_

_How can I expect you to forgive?_

_Clinging to the past, I shed our blood._

_And shattered your chance to live_.

Because every night he retired to the basement, memories rushed at him like a typhoon, battering at his defences like a ram. He didn't want to remember the days, no matter how beautiful the were, they still hurt much more than any gunshot, any sword plunging through his heart.

Prussia didn't know what he had done to make his brother seemingly hate him so, the little blonde boy with shiny eyes and flushed cheeks had never returned, this man didn't laugh, didn't show emotion, he couldn't return love.

He knew it was all his fault, many times he had failed to protect his brother, he broke both of them up into little pieces, and after the wall was up, it had severed their family tie, and Gilbert remained wishing to see that innocent face again, to give that boy one more high five and reassuring thumbs up.

_Though I knew the laws, I payed no heed._

_How can I return your wasted breath?_

_What I did not know has cost you dear,_

_For there is no cure for death._

Prussia knew, and knows, that he would so anything for West, anything. And that was what had ruined everything, he bent the rules too far, he tried too hard to impress the country by his side.

Because of him, both of them were brutally treated, kidnapped, shot, stabbed, killed. It ripped Gilbert's heart apart, for he kept on only blaming himself, his love for Ludwig, and the way he did whatever he needed to do to make his brother smile.

He couldn't bring back what he wanted now, no matter how awesome he was he could never bring back time, no matter how much he wanted to, impossible things remain impossible.

_And how can I make amends?_

_For all that I took from you?_

_I led you with hopeless dreams,_

_My brother, I was a fool._

So Prussia tried to cover all the sorrow up in beer, an arrogant attitude and carelessness. He should have been a better brother, he should have known better. When West got scared, he'd clutch into his coat, even the child knew better than him, who laughed and waved him off, doing stupid and dangerous things to see the little proud fire in Ludwig's eyes.

Gilbert ended up in breaking down everything he had ever piled up, now he never sees that sparkle, he rarely sees the face itself. He wants to make up so bad, he wants to show his brother that he is still worth the space, that he is still a nation. He wants so many things.

_What's gone is forever lost._

This is short, sorry about that DX but this will be a multi chaptered fanfic, as this is just a prologue. I really need to get did of the plot bunny I have XD.

Please comment! It'll mean a lot and will keep me writing!


	2. Chapter 1

**I'm actually updating it this fast XD**

**+DGtnsl thank you for your review ^.^! I'm planning to do that eventually, but I can't give away any spoilers, XD All I can say this story will remain in a more dark-ish setting.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or any characters, cause seriously, if I did, ALL of the seasons will be called the world twinkle.**

**Trigger Warnings: None really, suicidal thoughts mentioned here and there but aren't obvious.**

Prussia woke up with a pounding in his head and a sour taste in his mouth, bloodshot eyes cracking open slowly, a loud groan escaping his throat. Couldn't he had just stayed asleep the whole day? Why did he wake up anyway, not much light ever filtered into the basement, and it was impossible to hear anything from the outside.

He winced when he heard the loud running of footsteps and a loud slamming of a door just above his head. This was a sure sign that the Italian was over last night, and now being forced into morning training by the German.

Gilbert threw a pillow over his face, trying to block out the high pitched pleas and the gruff, commanding voice. Truly, he liked the small Italian, and spending time with him was always a thing to remember, but he still couldn't help but think, why was he the one to be Ludwig's friend? Why was he always by his side? It wasn't fair, Prussia was the big brother after all.

Next thing he knew, heavy footsteps retreated, and a click of a small lock sounded, before there was another high pitched squeal and the sound of someone's body being lifted up and carried over the shoulder, potato sack style.

Prussia grinned into the pillow. He remembered when he used to do the exact same thing to west, whenever the little boy was acting naughty or didn't want to eat the wurst Fritz used to make them he'd sling him over, laughing boisterously as he ran like that to wherever they needed to be, he also remembered that that never failed to bring a smile to his brother's face.

He stopped smiling once he felt something wet on his cheeks.

30 minutes later and Prussia still didn't go back to sleep, so the only logical thing to do was get dressed, pull on his boots, run a hand through his hair and call himself "Awesome". the usual routine.

Prussia's footsteps echoed loudly when he trudged up the stairs onto the main floor, but not even near how loudly the shout, "West, you there?" Sounded in the empty house.

"That's how it always is ," Gilbert said to himself, grin slipping off his face as he made his way to the kitchen. "And they say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, eh?" He smirked dully, popping open a beer a downing it down in a couple of gulps.

Why was he still alive? He wasn't even a proper nation anymore, why didn't he just disappear already?

No! Gilbert shook his head ruffle, setting the bottle on the counter. Daytime was for having fun and pretending everything was alright and staying strong for those around him, the ones who didn't even need him.

He should just go for a walk. Yup. A walk sounded nice. He could just walk until he got tired and then come back and collapse into bed, that way he'd have an excuse to just sleep. Not that anyone ever checked or cared, West only ever called him up to eat, and sometimes he even forgot to do that, or just didn't wan't to see him.

Sometimes Prussia hated being an ex nation, he hated being a landmass in the shape of a human. It meant he couldn't experience age, love, even death seemed yet far off. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, death. It wouldn't matter if he disappeared, not really, everyone would get over if eventually.

With those words running through his head he slammed the door to the house shut with a scowl, feeling satisfied at the loud _bang_ that it made, and stepped along the footpath, gravel crunching under his feet, almost like his teeth gritting together.

Gilbert wasn't even angry anymore, he just missed the old times, he guessed. He was disappointed that it all had to end much too quickly, or maybe it would have lasted longer, if he just wasn't

Such. A. Goddamn. Narcissistic. Idiot.

The albino must have walked for a while, until his legs grow tired and the hands in his pockets twitched into fists. His breath came out in loud pants and his pace slowed down until he was dragging his feet, instead of stubbornly marching along. Like he was taught to.

Like he taught Ludwig to.

Prussia released a shallow laugh, shaking his head. There it went again, same old thoughts, same old. That's all his mind ever addressed anymore. His failure, loneliness, West and things that just didn't need a place in his mind, things that worried him too much that he just wanted to forget for good.

He stopped against a brick wall of a building to have a rest, deciding that it would be time to go back after all. He caught his breath, cheeks red and silver hair matted and messy, he hasn't bothered to tame it earlier in the morning.

"Are we all alone, да?" (Yes?)

Red eyes widened at the words softly whispered into the owners ear.

Still hella short, I apologise -.- But yeah, i hope you all enjoy! This will only have one or two more chapters, but never fear! I have a SuFin fanfiction in the works already!


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